Women do all sorts of things they believe make them good wives thinking those things will make them more loveable and draw back the hearts of their drifting husbands. Unfortunately most of these things don’t make any difference in whether or not their husbands love them or stay committed to them. Some of these things may remove obstacles to good feelings, but they are not the cause of why a man loves a woman.
If a woman is a good housekeeper and a good cook, she may think that will cause her husband to think of her as a good wife and to love her more. It could be true that he thinks of her as a good wife, but it is unlikely to make him love her more. In any relationship where there are expectations that are agreed to, but not met, it can damage the relationship, but these are not usually the things that make a good relationship.
If a person suddenly stops meeting the agreed upon expectations, it will likely create problems in the relationship, however, those things are the expected things, not the things that cause her man to love her. Working harder at doing them super well is not the thing that makes her husband swoon over her.
The true secret to a man falling in love with a woman has to do with connection.
A man needs to feel emotionally connected to a woman to have a vibrant relationship with her. He has to feel that his emotional needs are being met. Trying harder at being a good wife doesn’t really work to bring a man around if he is drifting away – effective relationship strategies will.
Being nicer by cooking fancy meals, having everything perfect and waiting on him are not the things that will bring around a drifting man, unless he’s looking for a maid. If that’s what you’re aiming for, you are reading the wrong article!
The secret you want to learn is how to connect with your man on a deep level and inspire him to love you.
This doesn’t mean that it’s all your responsibility and if you do x, y, and z he will love you. This means that you do bear some responsibility for the relationship and if you can find where the drift is coming from, you can correct your part and your husband will then be responding to you differently. Why be part of the problem when you can be part of the solution!
This is likely to have a positive impact on your relationship and to draw your husband back. Of course, if there are serious emotional or mental issues that need to be addressed, that could make it impossible to resolve relationship issues until the other problems are addressed and corrected. This advice is based on two healthy people who are drifting apart and need to be drawn back together.
There is honor in being willing to be the first to make changes in improving your relationship.
If you really want your marriage to improve you have to be willing to take a look at yourself first and make appropriate changes. Once you do this, it is likely that your husband will be more willing to make necessary changes on his part as well.
If you are willing to go first and work at it, there really is a secret key you can use to bring your man back around and keep him close to you.
The secret is to make him feel good about himself when he is with you.
It’s not about so much about how he views you as it is about how he views himself when he is with you. The kind of feelings you bring up in him will determine how he feels about you.
Your man needs to be built up. He needs to feel like a great guy around you. You may not feel like he’s a great guy right now, but there are surely things that you like about him or you wouldn’t be reading this and you wouldn’t be with him. There are reasons that you are with him. Focus on those things and build him in those areas.
This is a super simple concept. A man will connect with and devote himself to a woman who makes him feel good about himself.
Yep, that’s the key. A woman doesn’t have to be the best cook, have a certain look or be particularly pretty. She doesn’t have to dress up and wear make-up. In order to deeply connect with her man, she has to make him feel like a respected man and a good catch. If he doesn’t feel that way around you, he is likely to drift away emotionally and for many men, even physically until there is nothing left of the relationship.
If you are wondering why your man is distant and maybe even cold, it’s because he doesn’t feel great around you.
This may sound harsh and maybe he is doing some things that you are upset about, which can make it difficult to build him up and make him feel like a virile, respected man around you, but if you want things to change, the ball is your court. You cannot expect him to go first.
The answer to any problem is to start with yourself. It’s like a pebble in the water. The influence of the drop extends beyond the point of contact and out into the water. When you behave a certain way, it influences your husband. It doesn’t mean it’s all on you. It does mean that you need to take real action when he is not; for the benefit of your marriage.
This is not only for you and it is not about manipulating him.
It is about changing the way you relate to him, so that he will respond back in a positive way to the positive way you are treating him, so your marriage will improve for both of you.
In order to do this, you need to know what it is that he will respond to and what he needs in order to fill his love bank. Research proves what has been common sense since the dawn of time, men and women are different.
The ways that men feel built up and good about themselves is different than how women experience the same. Our brains are literally wired differently. Often women do what matters to them thinking it will move their husbands, but it doesn’t and they don’t understand why.
Melt Your Man’s Heart, by Randall E. Bennett, explains what these differences are and why they matter in relationships.
Early in a relationship, women often do the things that make a man feel masculine and powerful – good about himself – but as the relationship wears on and everyday life kicks in, focus often changes and a woman doesn’t do or say the things she did to begin with.
The differences between men and women and the areas that women need to concentrate on in building up her man and drawing him close are thoroughly covered in Melt Your Man’s Heart. (This book is no longer available.)
You will use this information to build your husband and your marriage; to the delight of your husband.
When you are focused on the things that you like best about your husband, from the specific categories that matter most to men, you are likely to create an atmosphere where he begins to feel good about himself as a man when he is with you, new life will enter your relationship and your man will be drawn to you once again.
It may seem that it’s unfair for you to have to go first, but the only person you have control over is yourself.
By waiting for your husband to make the first moves, you are limiting the possibilities for a revitalized, healthier relationship.
Don’t hold back. Make the first moves and see how your husband responds.
This advice is for a marriage that has gone stale and needs a recharge. This advice is not for a marriage where you are being mistreated.
Article by Cynthia DeWitte
Thank you to Rob and Wendy Benton for the use of their photo.
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